Another day in old Nairobi and I am getting more and more mind-numbed as the days go by…I just need to get out of here and travel. More bad news today, another good good friend from home has died. I don’t really know what to make of it, I’m not sure anyone does. I don’t want to want to be home right now, and don’t want to come home, but a part of me is definitely counting the days. More than anything, I think this experience is teaching me how to cope with things..and also I fear making me into an emotional zombie. I can’t feel anything right now. My emotional cells are in a freaking coma from exhaustion.. My hostmom and I were sitting on her bed talking about all the people she knows or friends and family of people she knows that have been killed or injured in all this election chaos, and it sort of puts my own troubles into perspective, but still…I just feel sick and numb but not really happy or sad, just dulled and weighed down as some kind of coping mechanism.
I’m checking into what will happen if I just blow off my ICRP and just travel for the remainder of my time here, because that’s really all I want to do. I think I might just miss out on one credit I should have gotten here, but that’s not a huge deal. I’ve spent enough time in this city and need to get out of it, out of this country and all this tension. I can tell that everyone in my family is feeling the weight of it all right now. With all this death and unexpected, jarring happenings that seem to be popping up one after the other, I’m sick of waiting around when I don’t know if and when opportunities will ever arise again. I just want to do what I want to do and screw everyone else and the requirements for this program and what they say I should be doing. Life doesn’t last and I want it to be done on my own terms.
2 comments:
"I just want to do what I want to do and screw everyone else...and what they say I should be doing. Life doesn’t last and I want it to be done on my own terms."
You're right. I've been coming to that same conclusion lately. Oddly enough, doing what you want to do sometimes seems harder than it should. Although, I'm sure we're in two completely different situations, I feel exactly that way. Everyone else can go piss up a rope.
Do what you want to do. That's what's important. So what if you miss out on one freaking credit? How often will you get to be in Africa like that? Perhaps I'll fill you in on my current siuation later, via email.
-Phil
"Piss up a rope," Phil quoting Ween songs, love. But I must agree full heartedly to his advice. You definitely need to do what is best for you. In retrospect, what is one lousy credit compared to adventures? That's what college is all about learning more to adventure more. But you know how I feel about adventures, if I could be Indiana Jones, I would. My advice, definitely go for it, live it up.
I miss you intensely. You really add alot to my life and spiritual well-being. I love you and cannot wait to see you and resume our summertime, three hour phone discussions on life.
Love,
Stefanie
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