26 October 2012

A Return to Old Thoughts

It has bothered me for a long long time that I never officially concluded my amazing, intense, horrific, desperate love affair with this time from August 2007-February 2008 I call my life in Kenya.  Looking back about 4 years later, I realize how much I've not only changed since then, but how that entire experience has shaped me as a person.

To summarize quickly, (which is very difficult to do) I spent 6 months living in Nairobi, Kenya on a study abroad program living with a fantastic Kenyan family I grew to love and develop such a great relationship with over time.  I came to feel very familiar in a country where I was so obviously a foreigner and make many friendships and have amazing educational experiences with the 9 other students from my college who were having their own experiences with 9 other Kenyan families.  About 4 1/2 months into the program, around the end of December 2007, there was a presidential election we'd witnessed the entire campaign trail and media coverage to and I found it so extremely fascinating to compare the process to American elections.  Kenya until that time was viewed as one of the most stable democracies in Africa and the world was watching this election to see how peacefully it could occur.  It didn't. At all.  The incumbent president blatantly rigged the election and claimed the presidential seat for himself.  Kenyans were pissed.  Or at least the ones who were not from the president's tribe, the Kikuyu.

 (I'm, of course, leaving out a lot of detail right now about the deeper cultural and historical background that led to some of the events that occurred.  There was probably a lot of stuff going on culturally that just went over my head, not being an expert at the language and being from a different culture. But I've just tried to relay my interpretation and experience on this journey as honestly and best I could.)

There were intense riots and fighting for about 3-6 weeks in areas of the country.  Roadblocks were everywhere, soldiers and blockades were everywhere.  There were shortages at the grocery store.  Everything was closed and boarded up.  Classes were cancelled for awhile.  We were out of water for 9 days at one point.  I couldn't enter my room because there was a toilet in it and it made the room smell vile and had flies flying around it.  For new years eve 2008 my Kenyan sisters and I did shots of tequila I think it was on the roof of our apartment and howled at the moon because it was unsafe to go out.

What was really happening was that maybe 2000 people were being killed in various parts of the city and country in the fighting that was taking place over the rigged election and the usurping of supposed uncorrupt democracy.  It was very clear to Kenyans how very blatantly corrupt their system was.  (I believe my own country is very corrupt in more sneaky ways.)  It was very a very educational and emotional time.  I'll never forget how close I felt and became to my host family when we were all locked in the house together for days on end. 

That was the first part.  Then one of my very old and close friends back home in Michigan was discovered brutally killed in some way in the middle of nowhere in Indiana and no one had any idea why.  It came completely out of the blue and hit me so hard.  All of my old group of friends.  I wasn't there to be with them and was halfway across the world dealing with the impact of being stuck in the house in a country that had a devastating and corrupt election and was mourning the loss of many of their own.  The election took place about December 27, with the "winner" being announced about December 30.  I think we waited 3 or 4 days
(like in the American 2000 and 2004 elections with Bush, also not without its own more hidden chicanery in my opinion)  I found out about Rylan on January 10th.  She'd died on the 7th.  

I shut down.  I came home from Kenya in mid-February, after traveling a bit and play-acting at feeling normal.  Then I began the process of adjusting to American life again, and really dealing with the loss of my friend at home as well as more fully comprehending and absorbing the experience I'd gone through in Kenya.  I went back to school, I almost didn't, but I did.  Tried to keep myself busy with a routine and the stuff I knew I needed to do.  Then I struggled to do my senior year of college. In hindsight, I had far less fun than I could've had that year if I'd just forced myself to get out more and socialize with people-and it probably would have sped up the process of healing, but I just couldn't.  I stressed myself out a lot at school, and made things a lot harder at times than they needed to be.   But I made it, and I graduated with an expensive degree in a subject I love, studio art, but that stereotypically doesn't yield many high- or even middle-income producing job prospects.  I knew I'd have to go about my path a little different than most people from my pretty high-achieving school, and I also felt great about not being entirely sure what I wanted to do.  I still don't.  But I do know I love to travel and really want it to be a part of my life and perhaps career for a long long time.  I am now in the process of figuring out how to do that.


29 July 2012

Continued House Arrest (sort of)

January 4, 2008

Time here passes slowly but it's not so bad. It's funny that I always wish to have this kind of leisure time with absolutely nothing to do but sit around and laze and read any other time but then when it's forced, it becomes a little unbearable at times. I've gotten to spend a lot of time contemplating the meaning of life and wondering why we do always have to have stuff to do to occupy ourselves. Sitting and watching people change a tire for 1 1/2 hours on the street below you is kind of interesting...but there is also a limit to the amount of interest you can get from sitting observing what's around you. Maybe I'm just not creative enough. It's not that I can't go out of the house, I can go walk around town, but it's not really that interesting because nearly everything's closed and there aren't many people around. Everyone's saying this will all die down soon and I hope they're right.

Yesterday morning saw a little bit of excitement. I was sitting up on the roof listening to the yells and stuff I could hear coming from Uhuru Park because there was supposed to be a big ODM rally there, but there was a police guard surrounding the park so I didn't really think the rally would happen-and it didn't. But anyhow, all these people came along running down the street below hollering and I heard some shots (gun?) so I started getting a little nervous and ducked down to watch and got out my camera. Soon the police came running after them with big shields and some on horses. Then after that came the journalists running behind them. The runners ran into the park and that was that. This happened maybe 3 or 4 times in the morning. We heard lots of shots of tear gas all the rest of the morning and all afternoon was quiet.

Watched some bad music videos on TV for awhile, watched Weeds, watched the news-Desmond Tutu came to mediate, but I don't think Kibaki and Raila have talked yet, played some cards with Moni. Then I realized Michelle was over at my mom's office on the internet so I went over there to find that I can surf the internet there to my heart's content

November 13, 2008

November 13, 2008
We had a great dinner last night at Haandi, what the tourbooks all call the best Indian restaurant in Africa, and I definitely agree. It’s mad expensive for Kenya, but the YWCA paid for it all because it was this meeting of all these people from all over the world meeting about the YWCA’s youth exchange program. I met people from Norway, Madagascar, Ethiopia, Nicaragua, Kenya last night at this dinner. It was way fun, the people were pretty cool and so so so so yummy.
Our family room couch is gone L and it’s really not cozy anymore. Aunt Monica took it (Rachel’s hostmom) because she sent her couches to get recovered 2 months ago and the guy who was supposed to do it basically stole them. Long story. Anyway, so she took our couch to replace hers. Now we have to sit in the straight-backed dining room chairs to watch TV or read or anything.

Stacey and I made a really cool mini-documentary this weekend for a project on Women in the Media for Gender and Development class. (She brought a video camera) We interviewed all kinds of people on the streets of Nairobi and at the university about their perceptions of women’s portrayal in the media. It was so much fun and turned out so much better than we were expecting, the editing actually turned out really good. Plus we had some great conversations with a lot of people and might have made some new friends at the university. Making new Kenyan friends…always great in my book! And we did our presentation today and I think we blew Lilian away, she thought it was great and gave us contact info to show it to the head of the journalism department at the university because I guess she knows a lot of info about women’s role in media and media production-for our paper on the topic. It made me happy, and I expect we got a good grade..

Crossing streets in Kenya is an art. I find it quite similar to the game I used to play on my calculator in high school math class all the time called Frogger where you’re this little frog trying to cross an 8-lane highway with cars whizzing by. Yeah, that’s pretty much what Kenyan street crossing is like. You’ve gotta back up at times and dart at times and be decisive about what you’re doing and remember to look right-left-right instead of left-right-left (Kenyans drive on the left side) and wave at people, and put your hand out to block cars from hitting you and the entire road is never all clear at the same time so you just go at it lane by lane and hopefully there’s a median in the middle. No, its really not that scary, it just was the first few days.

Elevator doors in Kenya open and close so freaking fast! They always try and squish you! This has caused a few funny occurrences with me not jumping on fast enough and the doors trying to smash me and the people inside all sticking their arms and legs in the door and trying to pull me in, then us having a good laugh about it once I made it.

I think my blood is thinning like a Kenyan’s…even if its slightly cold in the mornings now, I always wear a jacket or sweater and a scarf because I get cold. It’s kind of a nice feeling though to wear warm clothes.
I am so much less aware of my race than I was even 2 weeks ago. I forget I’m white and everyone else is black a lot of times. It’s such a good feeling. Now I’ve just gotta focus on the Kiswahili learning, because that still is pretty shaky, but getting better and better all the time. My cousin Derek told me to let him know when I’m ready and he’ll teach me Sheng (Kiswa-English-slang, what the young people speak)
I like Kenyans so much!!! They’re so friendly and open and approachable in general, more than Americans are I think. And they’re never in the same kind of hurry Americans always are in, which makes them late a lot, but also willing to always help you out and nothing is ever more important than sitting and visiting. When they invite you for lunch, you know you might be there all day. I love it, we need to do that in America quite a bit more.